Insecurities
I rarely blog nowadays and this may not even be interesting so feel free to click the exit button. There's been so many things happening lately I don't even know whr to start. Friendships/ Infatuation/ Choir/ Academics. Insecurities..
So as for now I suck in my studies but on the bright side I don't hold any leadership positions I guess that means more time can be spent on books esp when its nearing promos. Funny how in sec school I used to be so hungry for leadership. I prayed for sop 1 SL I got it, on top of that the treasurer post which I honestly did not enjoy. Sucks having so much $ in your hands @ 1 moment and next thing you know everything goes to the teachers. Then I prayed even harder for an exco position in council and I got assist secretariat. And lookie here, Amelia the I-wanna-lead-not-follow girl's being a follower in every way possible. Bio rep doesn't count.
I rmb last week Mr Poh said "There is def gna be at least 1 person from each class retaining" I was so unnecessarily affected I cried in the chem lecture after that I felt lika weakling. I'm angry at myself for not putting in nuff effort and ugh damnit why am I being so sensitive so every single word people say nowadays?
And there's been a few guys showing interest in me and it stresses me out I'm not trying to humble brag here it really does put pressure on me. No popular good looking guy has ever noticed me in sec school prolly only in sec 4, most of the guys I was close to were nerdy looking or malays. (Ofc Dom/jh's an exception) & then poof* I'm suddenly the girl that "guys will like" No I LOOK like the girl that "guys will like" I watch eli's dirty jokes I rap nicki minaj songs I go crazy wild laughing w/ girlfriends I'm lazy and I have my flaws. Don't picture me as someone who's so nice and good all the time lest you'd be disappointed once you get to know me better. I miss hanging out with girls who get the least attention and being able to tell them "I know how you feel" I miss looking ugly but feeling beautiful. I don't wna be likeliked casually, I don't even know why some ppl think I look super pretty I really am just average or at the most just slightly above that. I just hope ppl can like me for who I am cos I am what you think I'm not.
I can't wait fr the short getaway.
So as for now I suck in my studies but on the bright side I don't hold any leadership positions I guess that means more time can be spent on books esp when its nearing promos. Funny how in sec school I used to be so hungry for leadership. I prayed for sop 1 SL I got it, on top of that the treasurer post which I honestly did not enjoy. Sucks having so much $ in your hands @ 1 moment and next thing you know everything goes to the teachers. Then I prayed even harder for an exco position in council and I got assist secretariat. And lookie here, Amelia the I-wanna-lead-not-follow girl's being a follower in every way possible. Bio rep doesn't count.
I rmb last week Mr Poh said "There is def gna be at least 1 person from each class retaining" I was so unnecessarily affected I cried in the chem lecture after that I felt lika weakling. I'm angry at myself for not putting in nuff effort and ugh damnit why am I being so sensitive so every single word people say nowadays?
And there's been a few guys showing interest in me and it stresses me out I'm not trying to humble brag here it really does put pressure on me. No popular good looking guy has ever noticed me in sec school prolly only in sec 4, most of the guys I was close to were nerdy looking or malays. (Ofc Dom/jh's an exception) & then poof* I'm suddenly the girl that "guys will like" No I LOOK like the girl that "guys will like" I watch eli's dirty jokes I rap nicki minaj songs I go crazy wild laughing w/ girlfriends I'm lazy and I have my flaws. Don't picture me as someone who's so nice and good all the time lest you'd be disappointed once you get to know me better. I miss hanging out with girls who get the least attention and being able to tell them "I know how you feel" I miss looking ugly but feeling beautiful. I don't wna be likeliked casually, I don't even know why some ppl think I look super pretty I really am just average or at the most just slightly above that. I just hope ppl can like me for who I am cos I am what you think I'm not.
posted by Amelia at
8:52 AM
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